July 31, 2005
Far From Golden….
1. Every minute I try to sleep I feel like I’m gone for a hundred years, yet when I wake and look at the clock only minutes have been won....
2. I’m out of paracetamol and pain killers - I’m down to those in-descript tablets that are always left in the cabinet and could be anything....
3. My sheets are drenched in sweat yet my teeth are trying to play a tune through the medium of chatter....
4. My dreams are seriously fucked up and I seem to be waking up tired instead of refreshed....
5. One of my dreams had that kid from Kindergarten cop going ”it might be a tumour” and me replying in an Ahhhnold voice “No its not a Tumour!”....
6. One of my dreams was about something to do with cheese and things made out of cheese - which I usually dream about when I am a bit fucked up health wise - so therefore I know its not just a mild cold.....
7. Touching my skin feels like putting my hand in a bucket of ice cold water - freezing yet still burning at the same time....
8. Put your finger under your ear, dead centre - drag it down about 3 or 4 centimetres - just were your jaw finishes - yes there - that bit - feels like a punchbag - what the fuck is that about? can’t move my head around very much....
9. yesterday I was not quite praying to the porcelain god - now I am a recent disciple....
10. Food is just not happening....
11. This happens on a weekend! what a wonderful sense of humour life has sometimes…
12. Vodka and horror movies are also not helping....
Good things:
1. If this is a tropical disease moving in Stages, then we are on stage 3 after 3 days....
2. Though of course I don’t know how many stages there are....
3. I’ve lost 1 kilo....
4. This can’t be chicken flu as I have not been near any chickens....
5. I’ve watched the end of OZ season 4 and have learned that if you go to jail Nazi’s will fuck you in the ass, drug dealers will steal your shoes and the guards will beat the crap out of you for the sheer hell of it - Prison sucks.....
6. Water feels like the nectar of the gods when drunk - like Toast, water is severely underrated
7. I’m pretty sure this is the revenge of the gods of Karma for laughing at the joke about the Blow up Sex Doll and the Muslim Faith - If the Gods are reading I’d like to apologise and protest that I didn’t write the damn thing - someone emailed it to me - the punishment does not fit the crime damn it! - and no, I’m not telling you who mailed it to me - I’m no rat.... I’ve seen what happens to them in OZ…
8. ....Alright it was Ben.....
9. I probably don’t have to go to work tomorrow and will go to the super dooper expat expensive clinic first thing and put it all on insurance.....
10. If I have to go to hospital like that time I got a virus in Mombassa then hospitals are usually pretty decent places to loaf for a bit - cable, three meals a day to your bed, nurses to prop you up instead of actually sitting up...... I might get to go on a drip - drips are cool - it’s drinking without the effort....
11. Visits to the bathroom are not yet reminding me of the movie title “A River Runs Through It” (sorry if that is too much information hehehe)....
12. I still have a sense of humour (although as you see with the gods of karma that might be what got me into this)....
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July 29, 2005
Bring me Saturday…
Strom Brewing - Tea Brewing - See?
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July 29, 2005
Greatest Picture ever?….
Far too Cool for Skool
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July 28, 2005
Legend….
From High Concept:
“Nicholson, Newman recalled, would come straight from the set to Evan’s house, stay high all night and then go straight back to Warner Bros the following morning”
(This is after three of them had hired hookers and stayed up all night doing drugs)
“Nothing is as funny as seeing Jack do lines, Watching him put the bill or straw up to his nose and snort always reminds me of the scene in the Shining where he breaks through the door
and says “Here’s Johnny!”
Due to a deal linked to a % of the films receipts, Jack Nicholson ended up being paid $60 million for appearing in Batman. $10 million more than the entire movie actually cost to make.
He was off his face the whole time.
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July 28, 2005
Pesky Scientists Golf Day….
Shit! That wasn’t supposed to happen!
Angry Sarge on the left with the Navy jumper: God Damn it! Bears again! third time in a week! I told the commission not to allow women golfers on the course! - I told them bears are attracted to the menstruation cycle! - I’m going to ram the head of my golf club so far up the chairman’s ass the only way he’ll get round this fucking course is if he plays it doing a fucking handstand - No body fucks with the R.Lee Emery Golf day!
Green hat wearing dude on the right: Wait! my lucky ball! I gotta go back for my lucky ball! my father gave me that ball! he wore that uncomfortable piece of spherical plastic up his ass for 7 years in that Hanoi pit of hell he was trapped in back in Nam! I gotta go back for my lucky ball!
Yellow hat wearing dude in the middle: Don’t be a fool Denny! Nooooooooo!
Bear: RARRRRGHHHHH (translation: I want more fucking Whisky Now! You nature meddling Cock-knockers!)
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July 27, 2005
News Flash….
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July 26, 2005
Pesky Scientists….
We went by the Duty free alcoholic mecca whse, showed our passports and picked up a fine collection of mind embellishing liquors - we then went to see our DVD girls at Ratu Plaza and were greeted by ever ready charming smiles, cleavage and an influx of dollar a disc quality new arrivals - West Wing season 5, The Shield Season 3, Lost, CSI New York and 24 season 4 to name but a few - Indonesian TV, bar the exceptions of ESPN, HBO and BBC, could be described as somewhat lacking if I was being kind - but I’m not - if I’m being honest I’d say it sucks giant hairy bobbing man ass - therefore you have to make your own schedules.
Back at my Robins house the night eased into a pleasant haze of barbecues, wine & whisky, shooting the humidity with conversation, good company and the movie Crash - an LA set short cuts style bubbling racial tension tale following the likes of Matt Dillon, Don Cheadle, Sandra Bullock & Thandie Newton - pretty cool film - if a little heavy on the coincidences of characters coming across one another to move the story along - general gist is that folk should try to take a step back before succumbing to attitudes fuelled by racial stereotypes - and also those that feel persecuted in this manner should stop dropping back into the stereotype whenever they feel the world is against them - it doesn’t get too preachy though and most of the characters are believable. Solid cut above movie making.
But Movies don’t always have to be that way for me - here’s one that caught my eye at the DVD place - Glass Trap - Giant Ants attack (post to come below this) - I’m a sucker for monster movies - I loved the Deep Blue sea and FrankenFish for example - it’s always those pesky scientists - Goodness Gracious how they love to meddle with nature and then take it too far in the name of doing the greater good - I always imagine them informing the generals at HQ that yet another experiment with a dangerous creature has gone awry - take the deep blue sea for example:
Sir = R Lee Emery - the sarge from Full Metal Jacket
Dooley = Floyd - Brad Pitts character from True Romance who sits on a couch smoking bowls all film.
Hi Sir
Dooley, I hear that you might have something to tell me - good news by any chance?
(Dooley looks at the floor and shuffles his shoes) erm not exactly sir…
Aha - what a surprise - it’s always the same with you isn’t it Dooley? - one thing after another - Rollerblading Giraffes on amphetamines to make them out run poachers, Hippo’s needing false teeth reacting badly to the laughing gas, 100 Monkeys and type writers and too much whisky.....what is it now?
Well sir… you know that 10 million dollars you gave me?
Yeah - when I asked what it was for you said ”it’s a surprise” laughed and ran away - that was 7 months ago - do I now have to prepare myself to be surprised in a ”hey, it’s all my family here to celebrate my 50th birthday” kinda way, or in a ”shit you just made a crocodile with two heads and it ate the chief of police” kinda way?
Erm.... the latter sir.....
SHIT! God damn it Dooley! what’ve you gone and done now?!
Sharks sir....
Oh Sweet Jesus Mary Mother of God!!!!
Erm.... secret underwater base in the middle of the pacific…
Dooley, this is sounding like I am gonna have to rip you a new one.
What the fuck was it now? buttered bread landing butter side up?
Alzheimer’s...
Alzheimer’s! for fucks sake Dooley! Sharks don’t get Alzheimer’s!
I know sir - but we thought if we made the sharks brains big enough, we could give them Alzheimer’s and then cure it…
So what in Gods name happened?!
They got really clever, started swimming backwards really fucking fast, teaming up on people, doing detective work and grew a shit load more teeth....
Jesus Mary St Joseph Dooley! - anything else!? 
They can open doors
What! are you shitting me here son?
No! they really can...it’s so cool!
Dooley, I’m going to get my nuts fucked on this one and if that happens, guess what you’ll be going swimming with, you sorry sack of shit…
I’m sorry sir - we had the best of intentions - we just wanted to cure Alzheimer’s sir.
Dooley, why oh why won’t you stick to lab rats like everybody else??!
I know, I know.... I just want to have a little excitement around while I’m pushing the boundaries of science....
Pushing the boundaries of science!....I’m going to push my foot up your god damned ass if you don’t sort this out son.
No, no, no - don’t worry the sharks blew up - LL Cool J killed them - and all the evidence sank to the bottom of the ocean.
Is LL Cool J in the loop on this? he better be shutting the fuck up about it all - I don’t want to turn on MTV and have that motherfucker singing about crazy assed killer super sharks and him busting a cap in their ass - you hear me son!?
No, no, It’s ok - LL is golden - he’s not about the violence - he just knocked those motherfuckers out like his momma told him to.
Ok then Dooley - but I want this shit storm locked down - no leaks you here me? I got enough problems with snake head fish down in Louisiana, some radioactive goo and then a bunch of swamp dwellers without heads.
Was that Jameson’s work sir?
Yeah....little fucknut was trying to cure cancer again......
Spo | July 26, 2005 | Comments
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July 26, 2005
The Glass Trap - Monster Movies are not always cool….
The Glass Trap - the story of how a cleaner and a bitchy magazine execs assistant meet and fall in love (well, agree to go for coffee) set against the backdrop of an invasion of angry giant radio active ants. Really.
”Starring”
C.Thomas Howell former member of the 80’s brat pack and films such as the Outsiders, Soul man, the Hitcher, Red Dawn and erm… The Hitcher 2? he also married and divorced Rae Dawn Chong who I always thought has a really cool name.Directed by Fred Olson Ray who also brought the world Bikini a Go Go, The Bikini Escort Company, Genie in a String Bikini, Bikini Airways, Bikini Hoe-Down, Bikini Drive-In, Scream Queen Hot Tub Party, and the classic Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers - tag line ”they charge an arm and a leg”. One suspects after watching the Glass trap, that the names of these films are about as enjoyable as they get.
In 1998 Fred tried a change of direction and made
Dear Santa - remarkably it didn’t meet with fame and success so he went back to making things like 13 Erotic Ghosts - it was for the best.Movie went as follows:
1 min - Starts with garden nursery worker Miguel looking mildly confused by on rushing camera and chopstick clicking noises - cut to blood spattered on leaf - I’m not sure but I think Miguel might be dead. Shame - he turns out to be the most likeable character in this monkey bath of a movie.
2 min - After a remarkably professional looking beginning sequence considering the shit that follows - we meet our hero and heroine - C Thomas Howell plays the kind hearted ex-con cleaner in a large office building (the glass trap) - some babe half his age plays a secretary type person called Sharon working for a bitchy magazine exec - bitchy lady throws cigarette on floor - Sharon looks over at our forlorn looking hero and then down at the smouldering cigarette - ”I’m sorry” she says and leans down to pick it up - ”no! no! that’s ok” protests our hero - ”no I’ll get it” - ”no, no, no I’ll get it” he says and crouches down to headbutt the squatting heroine in the worst two people going for the same thing and accidentally headbutting each other scene in the existence of cinema.
3 mins - ”I’m sorry, are you ok?” he says helping her up as she laughs apologetically (or at the script) - she places cigarette in his hand - they look at each other with very loving eyes - bitchy lady summons her to the opening lift - girl looks back for fleeting loving glance over the shoulder style
C Thomas Howell looks smug - if we could read his characters mind he would be thinking :
“ah! the old crouching headbutt trick - never fails - I truly am one smooth fucker“
Sharon the babe gets in the lift and as doors close, looks at our hero with wry smile and yet more loving eyes - this is despite the fact that from that angle she couldn’t possibly see him.
8 mins - planty tree like things arrive from garden nursery on a trolley about the size of the average one you’d find in a supermarket - there are supposed to be hundreds of giant ants hidden in here.
9 mins - FBI Agent from the ministry of Agriculture (?!?) arrives at the nursery - apparently there is some illegally imported fauna in the area (shit!) - she’s here to investigate - if investigating can be called looking confused, stating the obvious and having no effect on proceedings in any way what so ever for the entire fucking movie.
10 mins - FBI woman sees dead body of Miguel and faints. Worst fainting ever in a movie. It’s almost as though she got down on her hands and knees and rolled over going ”ohhhhh”
22 mins - Random man hits our C Thomas Howell over the head with a duck carving. he then says ”guess you should of ducked”. This man seems to have done this for no reason.
23 mins - A giant Ant breaks through the floor (or rather a stage hand pushes it through a hole) - it looks like a blackcurrant balloon animal and is about the size of a small child. Sharon is not impressed.
36 mins - “random duck wielding man” gets stuck in a lift and then attacked by one of the blackcurrant inflatables - he attacks it with the mightiest of weapons - a ball point pen - he proceeds to roll around and throw himself about while the ant makes no movements what so ever - off camera people seem to be making squeaking noises. It’s almost as bad as when Schwarzenegger fought that giant inflatable snake in Conan the Barbarian.
40 mins - quote:
Random techie scientist geek: you know Miguel, the body we found earlier today? I was doing prelim on him and I took blood and tissue samples.. just to check....I found traces.... significant traces..... of formic acid - since this guy seemed to be in the same shape I did a quick check on him and guess what I found....
Sheriff: I’m going to go out on a limb here and say formic acid
RTSG: BINGO!!!....... you don’t get it do you? formic acid is not a naturally occurring element in the human body
Fainting FBI: are you saying that’s how they were killed?
RTSG: no you couldn’t kill somebody with it unless you drowned them with it - I checked it out - formic acid is the active ingredient in the saliva of the capres-noogus-extrira-peas (latin sounding bollocks)
Fainting FBI: OH MY GOD!
Sheriff: the what!?
RTSG: the victims were eaten.... by ANTS!
56mins - Women in bikini’s turn up for no reason what so ever. Unless a random fashion shoot on the roof of the ”Glass trap” is a reason. Good Fred, had to get his Bikini fix in here somewhere.
57mins - Bitchy lady dies after ants drag her back into an airvent - I think the director is trying to pay homage to Aliens here - but just makes himself out to be a fucknut with a camera - other people try to help her in a really unenthusiastic manner and fail apathetically - no one seems bothered.
59 mins - FBI of Agriculture woman explains that this department experiment is so secret that the president doesn’t even know it exists - probably because he’d say it’s a really fucking stupid idea - turns out plutonium leaked onto to some tree’s on a boat and the ants were in the tree’s and now they have become giant angry radioactive ants
Sheriff: GIANT ANGRY RADIOACTIVE ANTS! why aren’t we doing something!?
FBI woman: we are - we’re bringing in a specialist
Enter Martin Kove - you know Martin Kove - yes you do - he was John Kreese, Cobra Kai Sensei in the Karate Kid - no! not Mr.Miyagi! - (although he was in Tremors) - Martin Kove is the evil leader baddie sensei that wants to give pussey Laruso boy an ass whopping… anyways
Cobra Sensei Cigar Chomping shades Wearing Bad Ass Colonel Special Agent Corrigan arrives
(Fuck yeah!)
Cobra Sensei: whaddya got here?
Bad Actor Dude: we’re not exactly sure sir - the field agents reported that some trees had been delivered into this building
what kind of tree’s?
palms I believe sir........but we think the tree’s .... .are infested..... .with ANTS
Ants? that’s it? that’s why they brought me all the way out here? for some God Damned Ants!?
Sir, they are radio active
Radio active? (he says with a sudden wry evil shit eating grin)
Highly… (looking strangely aroused)
Now that’s more like it soldier! - show me some ants!
(Fuck Yeah!)
I don’t think I need to rip the piss out of the above dialogue - it speaks for itself.
did you bring a key to this place?
erm no....
(pulls out gun shoots door)
good thing I brought mine… (what a legendary cock knocker this guy is!)
Meanwhile the motley crew of survivors have fixed a wire across to the roof of the next building - they make their way across one by one - giving our director a chance to show some gratuitous bikini ass - during this escape one of the ants manages to get on the wire and kill that ”duck wielding random dude” from earlier - a mix of a man hanging from a washing line in front of a blue screen and a balloon animal tied to it making squeaking noises - this is possibly the worst action sequence in the history of film.
Cobra Sensei walks around the Glass House for about five minutes - he sees one ant - one - and that one ant attacks the bad actor dude from behind so he shoots the bad actor dude seven times in the chest so the bullets go right through and kill the ant too. Bit over the top perhaps.
Cobra Sensei then decides to fill this place with “enough DDT to flatten Texas, we’re going to have ourselves a good old fashioned Bug barbecue” - this really seems a bit extreme and also - in the history of the earth - who the fuck has ever had a bug barbecue?!?!
1 hr 12 mins - Sheriff and Sharon (what a team!) go back into the soon to be DDT’d building to rescue some random fat chick who phoned the random duck wielding dead guys mobile and said ”come rescue me! there’s ants in the basement!” - Cobra Sensei’s response to this? “Collatoral damage” - Legend.
Sheriff says: “Nice shoes - are you going to be able to run in those?”
Sharon: “Well I won’t get far in life if I can’t do everything in heels”
this reminded me of the following conversation I once had:
Girl: I can’t walk in these shoes
Me: Then why the Bleeding Jesus Mary Mother of Fucking Joseph did you buy the damn things?..
1hr 17 mins - Absolute carnage - Sheriff gets an inflatable ant to the throat - Fat chick gets her feet nibbled - Sharon the babe picks up a gun and starts busting caps in ant ass like a God damned Navy Seal - then Doofus Cleaner C.Thomas Howell turns up AFTER everything has finished - exchanges loving glances with girl - film remembers that there are ants around - Sharon the babe and C Thomas Howell leg it and hide in caged electricity generator thingy-ma-jig
1hr 19mins - very disconcerting lingering ”up nose” shot of Cobra Sensei - he needs to trim that nose hair - it is absolutely out of fucking control
1hr 20 mins - Sharon the Babe electrocutes the giant angry radioactive ants - all 4 of them. Meanwhile C.Thomas Howell holds a spade in a threatening manner.
1hr 21mins - my favourite bit - Cobra sensei is sitting on the hood of his car chomping a cigar laughing at nothing while counting down the seconds until DDT action - ”16,15...” then a large breasted girl runs into the scene, dramatically points in the general direction of the building and says ”Help! there is a guygamoogananaieis the building” - I checked this a few times and I have no idea what she is actually saying - the girl had one line - one line - her whole life she’s been waiting for this - and she fucks it up completely.
Sensei Cobra says ”don’t you worry little lady just relax” puts his arm across her breasts pins her against the car - holds her there totally and utterly copping a feel big time - this is the most awkward looking scene in movie history - the woman looks like she has just taken a dump in her pants - I really believe she was not expecting this.
”13!” - cut to shot of the countdown timer ”10” - shot of C.Thomas Howell and Sharon the babe running out the doors - camera cuts back to Cobra with his arm still over the breasts of that random girl, copping a feel big time “7!” he’s had his mitts there for 8 seconds - 8 seconds - she should be suing for sexual harassment
“3, 2, 1” - cut to a scene of three oil drums - a pathetic set of fire crackers goes off on top of them - cut to a shot of the front door with a little bit of smoke coming out of it - Not exactly blowing up the fucking White House in Independence fucking Day is it?
Final Ant makes last gasp attempt for freedom - Cobra Sensei finally removes hand from girls breast and goes over and stamps on its head - unfortunately he says nothing cool while doing this, cool things like ”Go to hell you Damn Dirty Giant Radioactive Angry Ant” or ”One thing I never told you about me - I hate Ants”.....
or ”You got knocked the Fuck Out!” like Smokey in Friday.
C.Thomas Howell asks Sharon the Babe out for coffee..... ”yeah I’d like that” she replies looking at him with loving eyes (what is she? a fucking poodle?) .... they go to kiss and end up pecking each other on the cheek....he looks up at the Glass house building mysteriously pondering (like what the fuck happened to my career that meant I ended up in this mongoloid dump of a movie) … credits roll.... and so ends one of the worst films ever made.
But it still wasn’t as bad as Cursed.
Spo | July 26, 2005 | Comments
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July 25, 2005
Alledgedly….
Around 24 Chinese people allegedly die each year from cracking heads due to mistimed bowing.
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July 21, 2005
I’m Going To 2nd Bed….
.... I was asked ........ if I live on a mountain....
....nope, I’m 14 floors up is all....
....and I can’t be doing with curtains this high....
....simply too much trouble....
....like stairs....
....(be it walking up them, or falling down them)....
.... 
....
....so when the sun rises around 6am....
....unconsciously so do I....
....and the above is usually along the lines of what I see....
....and then I get....
....2nd Bed....
....2nd bed is best....
....
....when you slowly rise reluctantly realising....
....feeling like you want a bit more....
....claw back that scrumptious comfiness of the foggy mind....
....
....five more minutes please....
....and then it dawns on you as the sun does upon the city outside....
....it’s Kool n de Gang in fact....
....you got two more hours yet....
....
....
....You Got 2nd Bed....
Spo | July 21, 2005 | Comments
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July 19, 2005
What I reckon was going on in Donnie Darko….
Donnie Darko: You know you’ve seen something special as the Mad World montage rolls - you feel a rise in emotion as Donnie lies still in the crushed remains of his bedroom - the credits cascade and there is a feeling that you’ve been taken somewhere over the last few hours and as a result you know more about what’s going on in your life - but still you can’t explain what the hell just happened ....
In the end, due to the many ways of reading the films events, what you want it to mean is the most important thing - as long as it said something to you. Me personally I’d summarise as such: Donnie’s mission is to return the metal artefact that has passed through the walls of time (creating a tangent universe) back to reality. If he fails to do so, the universes structure will collapse, with a black hole sucking everything into oblivion after the allotted time span has elapsed (28 days etc etc) - reason being tangent universes do not hang around too long and are very unstable.
For Donnie to realise his purpose, he is helped by messages sent via a ”higher power” in the form of Frank, as he unconsciously flicks destinies switches to pattern a series of butterfly effects to occur that will eventually allow him to realise his powers and what he must ultimately do. As demonstrated by the freaky tubes of water emanating from the chests of those within the tangent universe (who are not consciously aware of events) - people have a preordained path in life to follow within the dimensions of time and reality (ref the conversation with Noah Wyles science teacher) - However, Donnie can see these paths and more importantly change them - by virtue of Frank he can ”see God’s path” and change the future.
Seeing as we are dealing with a tangent universe here and not reality, anyone that dies within it will not have their soul passed to the other side, they aren’t really dead, they are asleep, therefore that means that Frank will become the ”manipulated dead” when Donnie shoots him - allowing him to be used as a vessel for the messages from the higher power and travel back and forth within the time period of that universe. Donnie has to kill him later on for him to help him at the beginning and save his life.
The main thing that I am unsure of myself about is with the death of Gretchen - how does her death enable him to complete his quest? my main assumption is that she acts as a messenger to Donnie in the same way as Frank, but with more subtlety - the directors cut shows more of their relationship and she does indeed have a huge effect on his life - she is a gift to him in a sea of uncertainty - he’s got to see the good in the world in order to want to ultimately want to save it - perhaps if she wasn’t in his life he wouldn’t believe he could fly (as this is what happens unseen in the end - he flies up and rips the engine from the plane - throwing it back through the portal - his powers of flight are alluded to by the axe in the statue) and that she dies means he is willing to risk everything to save reality - as this is the only way to save her.
and I might of smoked too much of the good stuff while watching it....
but as Clarence in True Romance says… THAT was a fucking movie!
Spo | July 19, 2005 | Comments
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July 18, 2005
Sometimes Nature is Cool….
A Hare can run much faster than a Fox, but when he notices a Fox approaching, he doesn’t run away, he merely stands up on his hind legs.
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July 17, 2005
Sundays ….. Truly The day Of Rest…
When you are taking a conscious time out from procedings of late - relaxation needs unconscious planning..... in time, it will become second nature… like it is for me....
A day of loafing requires the following things:
Rise and shuffle around 10am - mild hangover from the night before - but did well to drink water before bed - kudos to me. indeed. ....... really liking that word ”Kudos” of late....
Short and Sweet early morning sort out - won’t be needing to impress the world today, so wear that scruffy bed head and Indiana Jones stubble like a medal and be proud of.
Full English Breakfast - regular heart attack of eggs, toast, bacon & sausages (well Indonesia’s best attempt at sausages - don’t know what it is with Asia and sausages, but they just don’t get it)
Lazy Boy Chair - it was expensive - but even though I support them - I still never expected Liverpool to win the champions league last season - neither did the Bookies in March - and that random bet of the drunken heart paid off - and it turned into the most comfortable place I shall ever have the pleasure to be parked in. Never underestimate the worthiness of a chair that can seem part of you.....
$1 DVD’s - Summer blockbuster lull at the Pirate store kicks in - Fantastic Four? no thanks - got Land of the Dead yet? nope - Ok, rediscover the classics - Fight Club, High Fidelity, Donnie Darko and to finish it off, One flew over the Cuckoo’s Nest. Consider yourself pretty damn fucking entertained after that lot.
Playlist - set up of the likes of the acoustic Foo Fighters disc, Interpol, Bravery, The Shins, Death Cab for Cutie, Bloc party, Coldplay, Kaiser chiefs, Jack Johnson, Razorlight, the entire collection of the Thievery Corporation - all interpsread with the sharp cynical knife edge wit of audio CD rips from the late great Bill Hicks
The Enemy - Lee Child - I’m a sucker for a bad ass maverick cop story - and Jack Reacher is as serious a mofo in that mould as you can get.
Shooting Stars - Harry Shapiro’s superbly written biography of Drugs, Hollywood and the Movies - in the style of Easy Riders, Raging Bulls.- Howard Marks Foreword - sold!
The UK version of the Sunday times they laser print it off the press and it arrives around 3pm - it can be 2 or 3 hours of good reading cover to cover - Favourite thing I learned today was:
A husband who was advised to strip naked and shout at trees by a marriage councillor, says it has saved his marriage. Dieter Braun, 43, said the stress release technique stopped him shouting at his wife, (pls insert comedy accent here) “If I didn’t go to the woods and scream at trees then my marriage would be over” he insisted “Feeling the breeze on my naked skin really calms me down” Braun, of Recklinghausen(!), Germany, was speaking after he was arrested and charged with causing a public nuisance.
Pizza Delivery - 7507220 - don’t be needing no mee-noo: Izzi Pizza’a Beef n Izzi pizza $2 & to your door in 15mins - I’ll be damned if I’m making any more effort to feed myself on a day like this.
Pringles - 3 tubes of - flavours be Tomato, Barbecue and good old Original - don’t eat them all you greedy gibbon - but variety is the spice of life.
Cordless Phone - for comedy catch up conversations with folk back home - mock Loomis about his ”Banjo” snapping incident
Remotes - God bless em - god bless em all....
Bottle of Jack Daniels - the most generous of helpings when you are your own barman…
& Coke - (of the drinkable kind )
Full Ice Tray - unfortunately not in the shape of woodland creatures but you can’t have everything.....
Cigarettes - just in case - kinda gave up when Liverpool won the champions league - my half time prayer - 3-3 at the death - won on penalties - but alcohol and cigarettes go together like women and whipped cream - takes more than good natured promises and the knowledge that cigarettes will ultimately kill me to break up the beautiful relationship between a drink and a smoke - although haven’t had the urge - yet - but they go together with JD pretty well........ I’m not addicted - I just like em…
Bed - beckons when my eyes close without asking......
Sundays ..... truly the day of rest
Spo | July 17, 2005 | Comments
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July 16, 2005
Seems like the gods of nature are not too happy with what we’ve done with the place….
Staring out into the black haze, I hear a thousand snakes hissing on the road outside,
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July 16, 2005
Get a sense of it…
looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun!
you don’t stare! its too risky!
get a sense of it! and then look away!
- Seinfeld
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July 15, 2005
In a Parallel Universe far, far, away…..
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July 13, 2005
Curbs your enthusiasm somewhat…..
So yeah that situation is still cooking away - I’ve not written about it of late - probably because there isn’t much more to say on the matter - sort these things in your own mind - it’s fucked up and the only one that can really do anything about it is her in the end - we can’t talk much as such conversations have to be clandestine with her current scenario - I think I accept that its not going to happen between us - that brings a finality to the situation and then you move on to thinking how to help her if she needs it - I know instances such as the car might suggest I don’t give a shit - but I do…
....brings up a lot of thoughts about other past relationships and women in my life - the bigger picture - where I’m going after this place - when the next stage kicks in - settling one day - I’d almost settled in Vietnam, maybe one more year or so… if I hadn’t left in December things would of been very different right now - but followed the career path in the end did I - if I hadn’t, maybe I wouldn’t be writing again - as with this site that’s what I’ve been able to do - for the first time in a year and a half - write everyday - love writing - think it comes from having my mind kick started by the things taking place outside of work, rather than in Nam where everything was about the work....
....I think I work towards getting back to Malawi one day - running the tea office, selling the good stuff (the tea doofus, not Malawi gold marijuana), travelling to the Narnia-like plantations in Mulanje and Thyolo, even go back to Moz - but this time in control of my own destiny - on the side get a bar by the lake, red ripped sunsets and hammocks..... Finlay Quayes even after all playing away in the background… daydreaming about being teenwolf occaisonal monkey comes down from a tree......les seige estee dans le arbre....steals a beer… that’s ok.... he’ll learn....beer is not for monkeys..... funny watching them learn that lesson though....hmmm I’m drifting here…
...I don’t really believe in what I’m doing here in Jakarta to be honest - important to have a job you care about - if you can be lucky enough to do so - in Vietnam I gave a shit about the tea industry and we built a business and started up trade in uncharted territory for buyers and producers alike - you’d go to work swinging and hit home runs - you’d see the effect of things taking off for the first time - meet people who also wanted to work with you to build better things - Quan Chu was a place were you saw that selling their tea meant that you helped more than a bank balance for example - but yeah in truth I liked going up there to drink whisky and wine with Mr.Luan - every day was unpredictable in both good and bad ways - snakes in the office one time - that’s a different post.....
Here the industry is more stagnant - stifled by jobsworths - the bureaucracy rampant - the tea average - the producers and sellers uninspired - arrogant in so far as its your job to sell their tea, not their job to persuade you to buy it - its all been tried before - its all been worked to the place you thought of - its all been blended in a hundred different ways - not quite cheap enough to be interesting, but too expensive against the quality and price available from elsewhere - sure the products got its mainstays and ever ready homes - bought privately and in the auction - but those paths are set - you aren’t changing anything here, every new idea sinks to the bottom of the ocean with samples, emails and phone calls clawing at possible new avenues of opportunity - in the end falling on apathetic pallets, blind eyes and deaf ears.
Curbs your enthusiasm somewhat.
“Buy it please” - you beg -
“why?" -
“I need to fill up my day” -
“would you buy it?” -
“erm.... no” -
“exactly
Spo | July 13, 2005 | Comments
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July 12, 2005
Von! ha ha, Two! ha ha, Tree! ha ha….
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July 11, 2005
On the sleepy road, to nowhere that I have not gone before..
Anna says “sleep is good, it’s free and it keeps you out of bother” she is truly wise beyond her years.
The bed looked like a war zone when I got up - pillows everywhere, quilt on the floor, sleeping under the mattress cover sheet at 90 degree’s to where I started - I travelled during my dreams last night I think - no distinct memory of as to where, but I can lucidly remember conversations with people I haven’t seen or heard from for years - and they seem like proper memories.
I wonder if dreams are similar to when you are in a coma - just like the book by Alex Garland titled the same - running around unconsciously creating scenario’s and people - all of whom act as though they are free thinking individuals but in fact are actually formed based on what your experience of their company leads you to think they are like - I probably dream of places I have been, if indeed I ever dream of being in a specific location - or I construct new places with the building blocks of familiar places from memory - when I dreamed of the space station , the interior looked like the inside of the Hanoi Hilton hotel, Derriford hospital in Plymouth and the beginning bit from Star Wars - all blended together.
Once in a while I dream of Kirsty - a girl who twisted my melon in many ways back when I was a proper kaneheads kompanion at the age of 17 or 18 - I dream she is exactly as she was when I knew her - but in fact she had many faces, not all of which I saw - and in my dreams she is just as I personally remember her - not even as I would like to remember her - very much different things - but when she speaks or takes actions, she does so based on what I unconsciously imagine she would do in such a situation - she is not really there. Like in Solaris when George Clooney’s wife turns up and he realises that he is interacting with his memory of her - not the real deal.
Dreams and Drugs are often talked of in the same sentence - the time we tripped and walked back home at dawn after spending the last 6 hours laughing at nothing - quite exhausting that - laughing continuously for that amount of time - I looked up and proclaimed the sky to look like Battenberg Cake - which it obviously wasn’t - sky cannot be cake - but my eyes were playing tricks on me - same as they were when I thought a person span past me on the dancefloor sitting on a wheeled office chair - or when the DJ arrived inside the club driving a Chevrolet, waved, hopped over the side door and ran up to start his set.....
......but for me, the mind had a check list of possible things the eyes were telling they saw - and the wrong box was ticked - information from eyes HQ said - ”crowd parting - two bright lights from bar area - man jumping down onto dance floor waving” - the mind was not at its best and processed the info to say the DJ was in an open top Chevrolet, whose headlights I saw, as he hopped the car door, rather than the step to the floor - seemed reasonable at the time.
But that is about perception of reality based on what you see and hear rather than perception of what you actually think - the information from your senses plays a game of Chinese whispers on the way to the mind - who can blame you? your mind was being fed jumbled info - what other conclusion could you be expected to come to?....
....she actually said ”where is my coat” - not ”how is it that otters float” - that’s why she looks confused about you talking about otters for five minutes - but she’s fucked too and now is starting to get accidentally interested - no longer cares about the coat - what more can you tell her about woodland creatures?....
....Dreams are created by how you perceive people and places to really be, based on information stored in your mind.
Which is why I occasionally dream of Kirsty and wake up thinking how good it was to see her again.
I hope that I meet her again one day and realise the answer as to whether what everyone else told me was true…
....That she was a bit of a nut job who didn’t really give a shit about me or anyone else for that matter....
....As I always thought she was kinda cool.
Spo | July 11, 2005 | Comments
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July 10, 2005
Lucifer Likes Vodka…
When the Russians left - this was their leagcy - one day soon it could be the death of me.
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July 10, 2005
Cool Buddha…
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July 9, 2005
Dusk Brewing….
The best photo I've ever taken
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July 8, 2005
I Just wanted to write…
It’s been a rollercoaster last few weeks - hitting it too hard on the nightlife, the Hanh situation, the car crash and yesterdays events.
Today I wanted to escape it and get my mind in a different place for a while - so I just wrote about the random memory of Tuyen and got lost in the prose - writing can really be a kind of calming influence and focus your mind on another place - just get sucked into the page and see what comes of it.
When your mind is a bit scrambled and you’ve got a million thoughts going on its good to be able to channel your feelings into something you love doing and dive into a bit of escapism.
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July 8, 2005
Taxi Tuyen “rut tot trung” (very good egg)
Hanoi Tuyen was the taxi equivalent of the lost city of gold – difficult to find and full of riches. He struck me as a fairly well educated man, not just because of his English ability, but also due to his wealth of knowledge and opinion on all matters this earth had to offer – perhaps this is true for all taxi drivers, they are a indeed, a special breed - apart from the one who took me back from a drunken night in Winchester and tried to tell me he could provide home made M-16 assualt rifles - I suppose he was special as well actually, but not in a good way.
I often wonder if i should’ve been a taxi driver – think of the gibber grind possibilities! There they are locked in there until destination is reached, allowing you to get a real grind on – combine this with my “alternative” sense of direction and you’ve got long-term-hurt-locker-grind-potential. Although recent events relating to me and cars do suggest that perhaps this is not a good idea.
I didn’t have a motorbike in Hanoi (I certainly would of killed myself) and took Taxi’s or motorcylce Xe Om’s everywhere I wanted to go - the average 15-20 minute taxi journey costing a dollar - but even though the price was cheap I still really took huge offense to those drivers that took me the long way round to boost the meter up a bit - it meant that you could never really sit back and enjoy the road (there was always something going on worth watching) - constantly checking the turnings to make sure the driver was not trying to pull a fast one - its the principle of being tricked and insulted - you’d pay the tip to the amount he bumps the meter if he he just didn’t try to fuck you in the first place.
When I met Tuyen it was class, as I could always ring him to drive me about I’d never have to worry about over charging and he knew plenty of Hanoi’s hidden secrets - he was also a good old boy. He asked my opinion of his business card, I explained that it should say “English Speaking taxi driver” rather than “Speaking English taxi driver”.
Unfortunately Tuyen was not actually an official Taxi driver as he no affiliation to the registered companies – this meant he didn’t pay tax and had to avoid police (whom he paid off if he had to) - this sometimes led to impromptu extended journeys as he tried to dodge the coppers ”no meter now mr semen - must avoid problem for a short time - sorry”. This could be a problem at times.
Another problem was that his car was a piece of shit.
Tuyen and I usually try to outdo each other in confuscious style comments concerning the art of “fishing” with the fairer sex:
“the fish that take long time to catch taste much better - hungry fish not taste good”
“yes, he who catch fish at end of day is much happier - than he who catch in just one hour”
“he who catch too many fish - cannot eat them all”
“he who fish in another mans well, - catch crabs”
“there are many ways to cook fish once caught”
“he who have long rod - catch many fish”
“yes he who have much money to spend on good bait - also catch many fish”
“but he who have long rod maybe not need money for bait”
“yes and some time the fish take the bait - but the fisherman not get to eat the fish”
“so he go to fish restaurant where he not need to try to catch”
“touche’”
Anyways, journeys in Taxi Tuyens cab of wonder (in so much as you wonder how it keeps going) also were chances to hear how his happy-go-lucky outlook on life had once again undeservably punished him. First there was the Slovakian Australian based businessman, who befreinded him and then “forgot” to give back $250 that he had borrowed (Tuyen was sure it was a mistake and that he will get it back when the businessman returns to Hanoi), then there was the time he went back to his village and got himself some “instant noodle”, only to return home and realise that he had lost his wallet, claiming that “maybe it fall down as I not put in my back pocket correctly” and not stopping for a second to think that the girl might have had something to do with it “no she a very nice girl I do not think she would do that” .
At the beginnig of last year, during the Tet festival when he was very, very, busy, Tuyen had a bad accident. He was very tired and did not see the motorbike carrying three people (most I’ve seen on one motorbike is 5) coming up on the outside of him – they all needed hospital treatment – a man and his son broke a few arms and legs, while the old lady had a spinal injury and needed further treatment until the end of the year. As a rule riders and drivers in Vietnam don’t have insurance – paid company drivers probably, but not average joe – therefore this accident could of been far worse if Tuyen was not the decent man that he was.
He paid $5000 for the hospital fees and treatment and found a way to get a loan from the bank to cover the money – he remained in close contact with the family and took the father and son to his village - paying for their stay and driving them around. He hoped to be able to pay off the loan by the end of the year – if you do the math there that’s a lot of money to get shot of in one year as well as paying for general existance - Vietnam is not a rich country – there was definitely more to the tale of Tuyen - because you don’t get that rich driving taxi’s.
One day he didn’t answer the phone anymore - wasn’t to be found at his regular haunts - and I never saw him again - he was a very good egg.
Spo | July 8, 2005 | Comments
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July 7, 2005
what’s important…..
When news broke on the bbc news the first thing I did was ring Anna’s work to make sure she was Ok - when I spoke to the receptionist and she said ”I’ll put you through” all I could say was ”Thank fuck for that” - later I learned Cassie was in Italy - Tom had the week off (he works above one of the tube stations bombed ) - Stuarts family was fine - in the end everyone I knew was OK - apart from Masher who was in the Kings Cross carriage - burnt hair and cuts and bruises - he’s in hospital now - but Barnes says he’s OK - physically - it was freaky as no mobile or email systems were really working to get through at first - the news suggested it was injuries and transport gridlock - an attack at the mechanism of London itself rather than a body count - but still not knowing for sure was terrifying - I’ve never lost anyone from my circle of friends - when the bottom must drop out of existence and you feel hollow and helpless.
I wasn’t surprised when I heard the news - eventually this would happen - all I wanted to know was how bad - anything compared to September 11th would rip the soul from our country in the same way as the Twin Towers did America - someone I knew would be gone - our country scarred forever in the same way - I don’t feel relief exactly, don’t get me wrong - but ever since September 11th I’ve been waiting and the underground was the way I thought they’d do it - not Heathrow - not the houses of parliament - not the London eye - the underground is part of the inherent heart of London and it is not really manned to the hub with security or protection - buy your ticket with thousands of others and jump off at your stop - it is an important and easy target for those that wish to bring the fear we knew was coming.
And what I see when the dust settles could of been so much worse - which is no comfort to those killed or those that have lost someone - any attack is a terrible thing - but it’s like a tidal wave you see coming rather, than one you’ve got your back to - and our people stood strong today - our public services stood strong today - our leader stood strong today.
I was proud to have come from my country today in a way - but more so than that I was eternally grateful those I cared about are Ok and fucking gutted for anyone lost I didn’t know as well.
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July 7, 2005
Sometimes I am a very stupid lucky young man
To have managed to get up onto the side of the road after hitting the concrete reservation meant I must of been travelling at a fairly great speed while taking the corner - the height of the concrete is about 1 or 2 feet - then once driving on the reservation I have mowed down and shredded about three trees’s (not 1000 year old oak types but more of the stringy, just starting out, cannot breath in the traffic fumes ones) and then torn up the grass everywhere - then the sickener - the tire marks show that I must of swerved back onto the road just before I ploughed into the fucking huge concrete wall of the overhead toll road.
The three of us had been out for a big night - so much of everything - I’m not drinking beer much these days and prefer whisky Gin and double vodka’s - these go down far too well and before you know it you are wasted without realising the bomb has dropped - I had left my car at Johns hotel, 5 mins round the corner from my apartment - me and the girl got back to the hotel at around 3am deserted streets and silence abounding - the tea auction would start in seven hours - the car needed to be at my house (I reasoned) - its a short drive.
Minnie (as I call her) is a good time girl and she was getting hot in the car - can’t keep our hands off each other - I take the corner - take my eyes off the road and into hers - drifted a second - then BOOM! like a rhino hitting the front right side it sounds the bell of reality - she’s out of my lap and back in the passenger seat screaming - tree’s and bushes appearing in the windscreen a second - then disappearing sucked under the wheels - headlit chaos - no road anymore - surreal drama filling the screen - she’s screaming - the engine’s screaming - but I’m taking it in like taking snapshots with a camera - stop start motion - my fucked up mind not in a state of panic or fear or terror - just bemused - watching this happen and thinking “hmmmm.... this isn’t good....”
Hardly poignant possible final words
and then its over - we’re back on the road - silence - then freaked laughther - shocked relief and ”what the fuck!?!” - two or three seconds at the most it had lasted - now gone - onto the next thing - back to the apartment - fuck like rabbits.
--
You can’t make a case for driving wasted - but sometimes folk will think they know themselves and their limits - their own power of control to be followed more than under the those set out rules of law - metabolism - ability to sober yourself and regain control - that you’ll take it easy and nothing bad will happen to you - it’s deserted - it’s 3am - it’s five minutes round the corner - I’m Ok - it’s Ok - in the west you’d never do it but out here its different because so much else is out of control.
No dice
“you are a very stupid lucky young man and if you pull anything like this again you won’t be breathing but more to the point someone else might not be either and unlike you they won’t deserve it”
Even more stupid that such an incident like this had to happen to make me properly understand that - I write this post and know that some people will read and get pretty angry - justifiably - all I can say is lesson learned and after seeing that wall I appreciate I’m pretty lucky to be around to learn it.
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July 6, 2005
Note to Self: Don’t kiss girls while driving….
Note to self: Don’t kiss girls while driving
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July 5, 2005
Blind Confidence on a beach in Nghe An……
“about 2000”
“you should not – you will lose too much money – many people like him”
“they don’t have much money – 2000 is Ok”
“Some beggar in Vietnam earn more money than those who work in office”
“ah come on – the guys blind! He had his little son there, leading him about...got the stick and everything....”
(Tri Laughs loudly) “that not his son and he not blind!”
“How d’ya know that?… I mean....”
“Look! – now he walk on his own and no fall over deckchair”
“Oh yeah......cheeky wee bas...ah well he can have his 2000 for the acting alone”
That was with my partner in tea trading crime Nguyen Tri on a beach in Nam last year - now I’m in Jakarta - when I go into town there is always this guy who can’t use his legs pushing himself around the gutter on his cloth wrapped hands and when ever I see him I give him 10 or 20,000 rph - his face lights up like a firecracker and I hope that it means he gets a decent meal and can call it a day - but I doubt it - just means the average for the hour went up and he’ll stick around seeing what other good fortune can come his way, if any - as really what else does he have to do? When I drive home there are always two girls asking for money at the traffic lights up at Pondok Indah - again if I see her I give her what I have and usually I can give more than most (they know my licence plate by now I’m sure) - one of the girls must be about six the other maybe twelve - they’re pretty efficient at what they do - they work the cars that look like they have richer folk - they don’t hang around trying to play emotions - they try and cover as many cars as possible before the lights change and then they get the hell out of the way.
I mean I see far too many beggers in Jakarta and you can see who is good and who is bad at it - the old women tapping on your window for five minutes pushing a babies face at you - the guy with a crappy guitar making a noise at your bumper - the old man selling something he thinks is food but I’m sure has escaped from a science lab somewhere and is actually a genetic weapon - these folk aren’t getting my money - and yeah I should feel bad that I’m weighing up the worthiness of each and every person tapping on my window BUT there are a lot of people tapping on that window during the average journey I can tell you - so you have to pick - as right or wrong as that maybe.
In the Kampungs you have these very small narrow streets that wind their way around the various shacks, houses, side street stalls and restaurants etc - you can’t see round the corners and there is often not enough room for two cars - people use these side streets as they often are the secret oasis short cut that can rescue you from gridlocked hell (as described in One thing about Santa Carla I never could stand....) - they also can get you trapped in nightmare scenarios from which there is no reverse for hours on end - meaning you have to drive like a mental person to get out. These Kampung crossways do provide gainful employment for hundreds and thousands of little men however, they guard the corner of these warren road ways and direct traffic so that there aren’t too many ”points of no return” as I call them - when two cars meet and neither backs down and then they wait too long and a long line of traffic forms behind them in both directions. These folk make money from the change handed out by drivers as they are helped through.
One such corner is right outside my friends house over in Kemang (a suburb of Jakarta) and it really needs a little man to help you as it is a 90 degree narrow turn big enough for one car only - it has been the property of a little boy for more or less the three or four years Robin’s been here - they knew him from not only seeing him every day, but also because of the community of house staff in the area - Kemang is popular area with expat families you see and they all have hired help - guards, gardeners, cooks and cleaners etc etc - and they all have families too so there is a community within a community. The boys parents were known to the staff at Robins place, so when he and his wife offered to pay for the boy to go to school and assist with anything he needed to get there, food, books etc they could actually offer this to the boys parents and check that he was actually going if he took them up on the offer.
But the boy refused.
He wanted to be a kampung traffic director instead.
I wanted to see if I could help the girls at pondok Indah in the same way - I figured that I could go there with Dini from the office and we could talk to them and see if it was possible to pay for their schooling instead of begging at the traffic lights - I told Robin about the idea as he had tried to do the same thing with no success - he said that the girls will be organised and it is a prime spot so the money given will not be going to them (although surely they must get something so I keep giving them money) - that any attempt to give them cash will see it ending up in the wrong place - he told me to talk to Yvette, his wife, who works with charities in Indonesia and could advise on the best place to donate any money or time to see it actually goes towards something useful - I’ll do that of course - same as I am hoping to meet in the next week with Femke from Animalia about rescuing monkeys - but the thing is that in a city like this were so much falls through the net - were if you drive around at night you will see more street kids running around than I have ever seen anywhere else in the world - any money or time and effort you give, you sort of want to see a tangible difference being made - that you can influence something no matter how small - I hope that urge isn’t an attempt to buy myself piece of mind in some way - that an act seemingly unselfish is actually just the opposite - you justify the night out spending $100 against the fact that, shit, people in this city are really poor in places, but you know you sent that girl to school or bought that crippled guy a meal, so that’s ok.
I don’t know the answer to any of the problems in Africa for example - I know that when I was working there that, if anything, the main thing for me was systems. That Gift (RIP achemwene)and I sat on the steps smoking cigarettes talking about women, football and laughing in the same way that I did with Duong in Hanoi, Andrey in Moscow, Coops in Edinburgh, Flip in Rotterdam, Barnes in the pub back home, Michael in Mombassa, John in Toronto.... even Javed in a restaurant in Peshawar - that when it came down to it, you can mix and blend with anyone from anywhere on this earth about the fundamentals - but when I was back in the UK and Gift got sick - Gift was fucked - because Gift was in Malawi - and Gift died.
There were no systems in Kenya, Mozambique and Malawi - if you need public services you are fucked - if you don’t have a job - you are fucked - if you want to go to school and don’t have any money - you are fucked - if you are disabled or poor or homeless - you are fucked.
It seemed like there wasn’t anyone running the show and everyone had to get along by themselves, their friends and families - give a guy money but for what exactly? my company paid for Gifts hospital bills but there was nothing you could do by then - the point was how he got sick in the first place.
In Vietnam the government said rats were a problem and they would pay for every rats tail brought in - people started breeding rats - in Jakarta they said that during certain times you have to have minimum of three people in the car or you would be fined - next day hundreds of little men along the road offering to be the third man for a small fee - Cape McClear on the coast of Lake Nyasa in Malawi - it was a very poor African village self contained - hand to mouth - full of good people like Toby, John, Patrick, Patience and Irish - they travelled around buying and selling hand carved curios - pick them up in the forest in Mulanje - sell them for double in Blantyre - this was an identifiable way to make money - a process you can understand - same as the girls at the traffic lights in Pondok Indah and the guy with no legs on the way into town - you’re waking up every day and thinking how to get through it and that is the way to do it for them.
My girl friend in Malawi was Debbie Chikondi - she was fantastic - a bit mad at times - but she travelled around Sub Saharan Africa - she looked after her sister - she was raped by her uncle - she spoke five languages - her best friend drowned in front of her - she crossed borders in rowing boats and had no documentation - she carried a friend of hers who broke her leg down Mount Mulanje - her brother got burned out of his home for not joining up with the Zanu PF in Zimbabwe - she loved drinking and dancing and she slept with people she chose to for money sometimes. I don’t know what happened to her in the end.
But what I do know is that the size of the task that Live 8 is undertaking for example - or that anyone wanting to help out those less fortunate - is that I think that the world actually needs to hear some good news for a change - they need to see more differences being made otherwise all you will get in the end is apathy - and that apathy is not totally unjustified, as fucked up as that may sound - as people have shit to deal with on a day to day basis which may very well not be of the same magnitude as that which the guy with no legs deals with - but its still shit to deal with none the less - and because someone dies every three seconds in Africa does not mean you don’t have to pay your bills, raise your kids, keep your job and get through each day in your part of the world - I think it’s I don’t have much time or much money, but tell me how to help in a way that actually benefits something and I will.
People do want to help - the vast majority of people on the planet do give a shit about other people - they are not cruel individuals obsessed with their own problems saying sorry about your situation but not my problem - just that I think that most people don’t know how to help in such a way that makes any difference - or that they can see makes any difference. Live 8 is telling me people are dying and the continent is being crushed by poverty - many don’t know this and I’m sure it can’t hurt to keep telling people - but I know these things - I see this in the news daily, I read about it, I’ve been to some of the places they say are suffering, I know people that are living in some of those places - what I want to know is that if any of the money raised over the years is actually making a difference to anything? tell me more about the economic growth in Uganda, tell me more about the reversal of Aids in Botswana, tell me something other than ”this place is fucked and we need to fix it” - because I’m there - I’m willing to give what I can - but to where? and how? and what for? and most importantly to whom?
I’ve rambled here and gone off in different directions in this post - I don’t know the answers to these questions as many people don’t that would like to do what they can - I imagine that the people that do know the answers are meeting at the G8 summit and that the fact Live 8 and the demonstrations took place will make the media ask the right questions to the men and women in suits attending in Edinburgh - and that they give answers as a result and something actually happens - because it seems for as long as I remember it’s been going in the wrong direction no matter what people do.
Spo | July 5, 2005 | Comments
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July 4, 2005
Laughed my monkey ass off………
BUT THIS
The Reservoir dogs riff is fecking genius.
Spo | July 4, 2005 | Comments
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July 1, 2005
People get together for a lot less…
hmmm..... think that I should do more posting when drastically hungover, sleep deprived, angry, shocked and upset - it does make for honest at the time writing I guess - retrospectively I'm not sure I should post letters I receive in private or those I post to others in private - in this case they help tell the story of how I'm feeling - which is part of writing this - but they didn't consent to having personal matters discussed in such a way - but these were extraordinary circumstances and should they ever read this I would hope they would see from the things I've written how important the two of them are to me - that writing is a big thing for me and always has been - a way of expression - and that is what I felt in the heat of the moment... . so fuck it - as I said - probably not thinking straight at the time - my game at 10% for sense and sensibility but 100% for honesty and emotion.I think that now after talking with Hanh we both feel we had a good 18 months - an amazing 18 months actually - and fate is homunculus mongoloid mother fucker at times - but what to do now? well all I can say is that if she wants to get the passport, catch the plane, leave the job, family, culture and notably the arranged marriage army colonel husband burning in flames of anger - come here - we figure it out - raise his child as my own - married forever more - alienate her family in the process - sure - she can do that - I'll fly to Hanoi and help her pack - pay the tickets - pull the relevant strings - people get together all the time for a lot less reason.
Surely it doesn't need to be the world of fiction for that kind of thing to happen? sounds plausible doesn't it?
The truth is that is a whole world of shit to deal with - and I can't begin to think how to help her through it - but if she wants to leap - I'll catch her - and I could love her - but if you can quantify such a thing perhaps, I don't love her enough as I should do to run off and get married just like that - but these are exceptional circumstances - if that's what is being asked of me and the alternative is that she ends up in a shitty situation, giving up her career, raising a child with a man she doesn't love - is this not a time to step up and try and be a superman?
But in the end what can you do? she has to do the hard stuff here - no matter what I think, say or do - we can look back and wish that things were done differently - that perhaps this whole thing might not have ended up this way if she had been a bit more open about the consequences of me leaving last year - but she wanted to find out if I loved her and if I did then I would of done the necessary and we'd of left together in December - and if I didn't then...
So the bolt from the blue - the pain and shock - emotional freak out at getting her mail first thing - while still frazzled from the night before (were I rather unbelievably posted to girl can talk at 4.50am when I got back - and was kind of lucid) - I didn't break things or drink into oblivion in the end - I didn't end up ringing Anna at god knows what the time - I just sorted my head out and got some sleep in the end.
Next day, bite the bullet and accept this is the way it is
I feel guilt more than anything - I didn't see this coming - didn't know that this would be the consequence of my uncertainty - fucking around with the what ifs, buts and maybes - life's what's happening while you are making those plans (hey JL) - and fuck does it move quickly sometimes - and even when she got married there was all this talk of how once things settled with the looking after the older folks we'd move on to figure it out - and it then the pregnancy - boom - smoke the possible future -you thought you had a minute but that was actually a second - times up - no last gasp three pointer for you - game over man.
People get together for a lot less
Guilt - were there should be loss, anger and pain
Spo | July 1, 2005 | Comments
